It's okay, I'm not going to fault you for being angry. I mean, this post is basically me bitching about boo hoo it's so hard to be a privileged person, so I didn't really expect anyone to be overjoyed by it.
you cannot fucking tell somebody with a disability that they're WRONG to not be bothered by this if they're not.
That's actually not what I have a problem with. I don't mind that the disabled people I linked to aren't offended by the "Derpy" episode, because hey, different things strike different chords in different people. I'm not going to be all "how dare you not be offended by this, grr grr." The problem comes when they say that not only is the episode not offensive, but that I shouldn't find it offensive and that I'm actively harming them by saying "I think X is offensive." That's the kind of thing that, as an ally, makes me really back up and go "Whoa, I really fucked up somewhere, I thought I was helping out but apparently I'm just making it worse."
But then I have to wonder: how do I know when to speak out and when to keep my mouth shut for fear of doing more harm than good? The people I linked are basically implying that allies like me shouldn't be making posts like my "wow this is uncomfortable" post. They're implying that me criticizing that episode for being offensive is in and of itself offensive and that I shouldn't do it. But it feels irresponsible for me to see something like that episode and not say anything about it, especially when I see a bunch of other disabled people saying "yes, this is offensive."
I brought up feminism because I was trying to think about how I'd react to this situation if I was a member of the group in question, and I tend to be of the opinion that I'd much rather have allies who'll help out without being told first and who'll be active rather than passive in their support, even if it means they sometimes mess up and criticize the wrong thing. Like, that chick I quoted who said she doesn't want people outside the disabled community bitching about people being ableist — I'm the opposite: I do want to see people who have nothing to do with the queer community getting angry about homophobia, and I do want to see men get pissed off at sexism, even if they sometimes miss the mark.
But in this situation, of course I'm not a member of the group in question so it's not my call to make assessments of how allies should be handled, so thinking about "what if I were in the group in question" turned out not to be helpful.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2012-01-22 09:40 pm (UTC)you cannot fucking tell somebody with a disability that they're WRONG to not be bothered by this if they're not.
That's actually not what I have a problem with. I don't mind that the disabled people I linked to aren't offended by the "Derpy" episode, because hey, different things strike different chords in different people. I'm not going to be all "how dare you not be offended by this, grr grr." The problem comes when they say that not only is the episode not offensive, but that I shouldn't find it offensive and that I'm actively harming them by saying "I think X is offensive." That's the kind of thing that, as an ally, makes me really back up and go "Whoa, I really fucked up somewhere, I thought I was helping out but apparently I'm just making it worse."
But then I have to wonder: how do I know when to speak out and when to keep my mouth shut for fear of doing more harm than good? The people I linked are basically implying that allies like me shouldn't be making posts like my "wow this is uncomfortable" post. They're implying that me criticizing that episode for being offensive is in and of itself offensive and that I shouldn't do it. But it feels irresponsible for me to see something like that episode and not say anything about it, especially when I see a bunch of other disabled people saying "yes, this is offensive."
I brought up feminism because I was trying to think about how I'd react to this situation if I was a member of the group in question, and I tend to be of the opinion that I'd much rather have allies who'll help out without being told first and who'll be active rather than passive in their support, even if it means they sometimes mess up and criticize the wrong thing. Like, that chick I quoted who said she doesn't want people outside the disabled community bitching about people being ableist — I'm the opposite: I do want to see people who have nothing to do with the queer community getting angry about homophobia, and I do want to see men get pissed off at sexism, even if they sometimes miss the mark.
But in this situation, of course I'm not a member of the group in question so it's not my call to make assessments of how allies should be handled, so thinking about "what if I were in the group in question" turned out not to be helpful.