Sing me a bawdy song, make me merry

I know you're probably sick of hearing about that MGS cutscene, but I've watched it several times (FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES, SHUT UP) and I keep finding more details to alternately nosebleed and boggle over. For example, the first time we see Raiden, we're treated to a pan shot that crawls up his body, giving us a nice view of his legs and crotch, and after the fight, we get a similar pan shot of Vamp from the back, in which we get a good look at how tight his pants are and how nonexistent his shirt is. Also, at the end of the fight, when Raiden and Vamp are stuck together with the katana, there's this bit where Vamp actually hugs Raiden closer to him, and we get a close-up shot of the katana's point pushing further out of Vamp's torso, complete with a messy splurt of blood. Um. I'm not familiar with Vamp's powers so maybe he had a practical reason for impaling himself further on Raiden's katana, but uh, the imagery is still pretty suggestive.

... it just occurred to me that this is only one cutscene. Jesus, what must all the other ones be like? If I ever do play this game, will I have any blood left by the end?

So I was on TV Tropes this evening, and my wiki walk went something like this: Zero Punctuation -> Metal Gear Solid -> MGS HoYay -> I ended up on Youtube watching a cutscene from MGS 4, specifically the fight scene between Raiden and Vamp.

I've never played any of MGS, nor had I seen any of the cutscenes prior to now, and for that matter, I don't play video games period (except Minecraft, bawww). With that context established, I have a few observations:

1. I'll be honest here, I spent most of this cutscene laughing my ass off. I say this as someone who has watched a large amount of extremely weird and/or stupid anime: this is possibly the most ridiculous fight scene I have ever seen. When Raiden started his little breakdancing thing, I completely lost it, and it only got sillier from there. What is up with their shoes? Why does Vamp keep making those flamboyant poses? Why is there so much acrobatic flipping through the air? Why does Raiden feel the need to twirl his katana (I'm assuming it's a katana because they're Just Better) around in the air for about 5 minutes before sheathing it after the fight is over? (Okay I'll admit that Vamp shoving the dagger through his chest to retrieve it was pretty cool. And I like all the sword/knife sound effects and the music.)

Actually, thinking back over other ridiculous fight scenes I've seen in the past, I think this one would be a lot less giggle-inducing if it were done in traditional animation rather than realistic CGI. Which brings me to...

2. This cutscene reminded me of one of the reasons why I've never gotten into gaming: I can't stand the trying-to-be-realistic CGI art style of so many current video games. It just falls straight into the Uncanny Valley for me. I kept being distracted by how Raiden's hair swished in a way that screamed CGI and how Naomi (?) and Otacon's facial expressions looked unsettlingly off. I remember a while back when I got on /u/'s Fang/Vanille bandwagon and googled up some shippy fanvids of them, but found myself completely repulsed and unable to enjoy the LesYay because the characters looked like moving plastic dolls with eerily glossy skin and very limited facial musculature. I guess one gets used to the art style if one plays these sorts of games a lot, but personally it creeps me the hell out.

3. I am amazed, nay, impressed that so many straight men are able to enjoy this game series. I mean, don't gamer fanboys have a reputation for freaking out when presented with anything remotely feminine or homoerotic? By which I mean to say, THIS IS THE GAYEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN, YOU GUYS. I knew MGS had a reputation for large amounts of HoYay, but good lord!

Let's see, we have a pretty white-haired bishonen who appears to be wearing skintight latex and high heels; we have a guy who seems to be the gender-flipped version of a Lesbian Vampire and who also dresses in very tight clothing which reveals most of his hairy chest; we have a fight scene in which the vampy guy ties up the bishonen guy and proceeds to gleefully and sadomasochistically stab him several times with a phallic symbol knife that he keeps in his crotch, and then he licks the bishonen guy's white blood off of the phallic symbol crotch-knife, and then there's the end of the fight which... I don't know if I can properly describe, but I'll try: Vamp jumps behind Raiden and gets him in a chokehold, so Raiden takes his katana and stabs himself through the torso and pushes the blade through so that it also stabs Vamp through the torso. And then they're stuck like that, in the upright spooning position, joined by the katana that's impaling both of them, and they're like struggling around and grappling with each other and grimacing at each other and they're doing this for a good twenty seconds.

...

Actually forget what I said about the creepy art style and the silly fight choreography — I should definitely play this game. It seems relevant to my interests. It seems relevant to most fangirls' interests.

Also, the main character's default outfit is a skintight latex suit that makes him look like he's wearing a corset. I'd love to have been a fly on the wall in the costume design meetings for these games.

4. What's up with Raiden's jaw?