Sing me a bawdy song, make me merry

Commencement was on Saturday, but I only received my end-of-semester grades today, which made for a pretty tortuous wait, I don't mind telling you. By some miracle, I passed all my classes.

So I guess it's safe to say that I officially have a Bachelor of Arts degree.

...

So now that I have one, what do I do?

While reading the news today, I found out something very surprising: I am now pregnant.

What's that you say? I'm a pathetic single nerd who lives at a women's college you say? Lesbian pregnancy only exists in bad fanfic and Minecraft you say? Well fuck you, this is AMERICA, the land of opportunity, where you don't even need to have sex to get knocked up. Even virgins can get pregnant here! And by "here" I mean "in the state of Arizona," which is continuing its quest to replace Texas as the most loathed state in the union by passing a new anti-abortion law that defines life as beginning 2 weeks before conception.

Actually as bad as that sounds, the batshit insane pregnant-before-sex stipulation is the least awful part of this law: go here to read a full run-down of all the horrible stuff this thing does.

However, Texas isn't going to take this lying down. It also passed an anti-abortion law two months ago, one of those emotionally manipulative ones that forces a pregnant person to watch a sonogram and hear their doctor describe their fetus. Not only is this cruel to the average unplanned-pregnancy abortion candidate, it's especially cruel to women who want to be pregnant and give birth, but feel compelled to abort because their fetus turns out to have terrible birth defects. You can read one such woman's account of how this law made her ordeal exponentially more painful here.

Guys, I just don't understand this. How has the anti-abortion side gained so much ground in the last few years? What changed since Roe v. Wade that made us start sliding backward at such a drastic rate? And what the fuck is rotten in the state of Arizona? Seems like all the really bad laws are coming from them these days.

One of the many cool things about the internet and modern technology in general:

I can be lying in bed in the small hours of the morning and suddenly feel the whole building start shaking for several seconds, and then after breathing a sigh of relief that this wasn't the Next Big One, I can go online to earthquake.usgs.gov and look up their real-time map of California and see the exact earthquake that I felt only moments ago pop up on their map, complete with the precise time and location, but so hot off the presses that they haven't determined the magnitude yet.

A few hours later, the magnitude has been pegged at 4.0 — just enough to make you stop whatever you're doing and go "... is that an earthquake?"