Sing me a bawdy song, make me merry

KARKAT: DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD PULL THE WOOLBEAST MATERIAL OVER THE EYES OF A HARDENED VETERAN OF ROMANTIC STUDIES?
DAVE: we have one of those???

Okay clearly I've been jumping around in the Homestuck canon and have completely abandoned any attempts to stay spoiler-free. But I don't care, because this conversation is one of the greatest things ever to exist. I just OHGOD sadfjkfdsj the more I read, the harder I ship these two blockheads, partly because they're gloriously terrible for each other and partly because they're the two members of the cast who are completely incapable of shutting their pieholes, with consistently hilarious results. Add to that Dave's tendency towards Freudian imagery and you end up with:

DAVE: this book is now like
DAVE: our fight fueled ouija board of cock

DAVE: thats the spooky thing about penis ouija you can never be sure who did the dicks

KARKAT: THIS ALTERCATION IS BECOMING UNCOMFORTABLY PHYSICAL, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.
DAVE: what are you talking about
KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
DAVE: shut up and draw another penis

I mean, whenever two guys are fighting over the same girl, there's always going to be some level of homoeroticism flying around, but there usually isn't, y'know, THIS MUCH. To the point where Kanaya starts having auspistice pangs because she understandably concludes that the boys are rapidly heading towards a disastrous hatefucking session.

Dedication to D/T/K ship = CEMENTED.